


To build a home

by MidgardianNerd



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spice Runner!Poe, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:28:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23053987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd
Summary: Poe Dameron becoming a Spice Runner changed more than just his life.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10
Collections: The Kylo|Ben x Poe Fanworks Exchange 2020





	To build a home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/gifts).



> For Idril. 
> 
> Your prompts were great and I hope you will like what I did from one of them. 
> 
> Chosen prompt: In which Ben Solo runs away from Luke’s Academy before the incident with the Temple burning down, and becomes a spice runner with Poe.

“They caught him.” 

Poe Dameron looked up from the blaster he was cleaning to see Zorii, the only one he could truly call a friend since he joined their Spice Runner ring one year ago. The young woman wasn’t wearing her mask since they were back at their headquarters and an unusual excited spark was shining in her eyes. 

“Who?” asked Poe, confused and a little bit tired after their raid last night. 

“The Republic guy.” answered Zorii and Poe gasped. 

Few months ago, their ring learnt that someone was on their tracks, asking questions about them, where to find them, how to contact them. Archis, their leader, thought instantly that it was a spy sent by the Republic to collect information about their business, leading them to being arrested and put in jail. Poe always thought that Archis was a little bit too paranoïd. There were more pressing matters for the Republic, like the threat growing in the Unknown territories. But after hearing how the supposed spy managed to extract clues from even the most reluctants customers of the ring, he supposed that maybe the Republic didn’t care that much about the threat. It shouldn’t have surprised him. After all, the Republic didn’t care about anything else that the appearances. He learnt that when they refused to investigate his mother’s death and prefered to give her a medal to have died for them. 

“I’m coming.” smiled Poe, now thrilling to see Archis giving a lesson to the Republic. 

Zorii didn’t wait for him and Poe ran after her in the corridor leading to the hangar. 

* * *

The whole ring was already reunited when Zorii and Poe joined them. Zorii pushed her elbow in Poe’s flank, a punishment for their lateness and now they were in the back of the crowd, barely able to see anything. Poe looked around them before spotting boxes where both of them could stand to have a better view. He showed them to Zorii and the young woman grinned before following Poe. 

Once both of them were standing on their new viewpoint, Archis made a sign and two men dragged a tall man, with a hood on his face, before him. Both guards pushed on the stranger’s shoulders but the man refused to obey and Poe couldn’t hold back a smile. Even if Poe thought that the man was a little bit of an idiot to not have covered his tracks better than that, at least, he was a fighter. One of the guards knocked the man behind his knee and the man groaned, bending a knee on the floor. 

Poe could feel the whole ring’s excitement to witness a fight. Poe only hoped for the man to know when stopping before Archis lost his temper and decided to straight kill him before even trying to interrogate him. The man pushed back against the guard who hit him and sent him flying further, under the ring’s laughs. He was ready to do the same to the other guard but that one shocked him with an electric baton and the man fell on the floor, his body convulsing with pain. Poe had to look away. He knew that people around him weren’t the most respectful people but to see them enjoying someone suffering always made him sick. 

Both guards raised their prisoner on his knees and Archis walked to stand before him. All conversations in the hangar died, everybody expecting and fearing what Archis would do next. They didn’t have to wait that much longer when their leader slapped the stranger and Poe heard the moan of pain their guest made. Suddenly, Poe wasn’t so sure to want to see the Republic being humiliated in front of his eyes. The man was only doing his job and Poe doubted the Republic even cared if that man would be back to them alive or dead. 

“Let’s see that pretty face.” grinned cruelly Archis before taking off the hood. 

Poe couldn’t see the face of their prisoner since Archis was hiding him the view but he heard the collective gasp of the crowd and people sharing confused looks. Zorii grew impatient next to him and Poe could feel her restraining herself to scream after Archis. 

“Look at this!” laughed Archis, amused. “I didn’t expect the Republic to be so pathetic that they would send me a kid.” added the leader before turning around to look at his people. 

“Finally!” breathed out Zorii when their leader stepped away from his prey and his face could appear to his eyes. 

The man rose up his face to look defiantly to Archis and Poe felt his heart freezing in his chest. Framed by dark hair, longer than the last time he saw him, appeared the pale face of Ben Solo, blood flowing from his mouth. Poe couldn’t hear Zorii’s comment on Ben’s appearance because he couldn’t look away from Ben. Ben Solo. His best friend. His partner in crime. His...everything. In the worst place in the world. 

Poe saw Archis, a blaster in his hand, walking back towards Ben and this one raised his chin, his dark eyes piercing through the leader’s face and Poe suddenly remembered that Ben Solo inherited the big mouth of his father. But Archis wasn’t a patient man. 

Poe didn’t have to think longer. He jumped from the box under Zorii’s protests before splitting the crowd, trying to reach Ben as soon as he could, fearing for him. When Poe finally reached the front of the crowd, Archis had his blaster against Ben’s forehead and Poe acted instinctively, knocking the weapon out from Archis’ hand. His leader didn’t wait to fist his hand in Poe’s curls, bringing his face closer to Poe’s. 

“What are you thinking you’re doing, boy?” groaned Archis and Poe felt a shiver in his spine. He couldn’t let this man near Ben. In any way. 

“I know him.” whispered Poe, his face showing his fear and despair to save Ben and he knew that Archis would use it. Against both of them. “He isn’t a spy.” 

“You’re ready to bet on that?” asked Archis.

“I know him.” replied Poe. 

Poe might have changed in the last year but he still knew Ben Solo. And in no way Ben Solo would work for the Resistance. Ben Solo hated the Resistance almost as much, even maybe more, as any person present in that hangar. 

“Convince me to not kill him.” ordered Archis and Poe nodded. 

Archis released Poe and the young man took a deep breath before turning around to look at Ben. His friend was looking at him back, his dark eyes looking like a storm on a black night. Poe could feel his whole body buzzing with the old sensation to be alive under that gaze. Almost two years since he saw him, since he touched him and Poe didn’t realize how much he missed to be seen as Poe, the real one. Not the little genius pilot that the ring needed so much. 

Poe felt tears burning his eyes when he realized that Ben was looking at him with the same hostility as he was looking at Archis. Poe wasn’t used to Ben looking at him like that. But maybe he deserved it. He left Ben. Without a word. Ben Solo, always fearing to be abandoned by people who claim to love him. And Poe did exactly that. Maybe for the first time since he joined the Spice Runner ring, Poe regretted his choice. 

The young pilot took a deep breath before kneeling in front of Ben, the dark eyes of his friend never leaving his face. Both young men kept silent, each one taking the time to discover again that face they didn’t see for so long. Poe’s shaking hands got closer to Ben’s face and Poe could see how his friend was torn apart between his anger and his desire to feel Poe’s skin against his. 

Finally, Poe’s hands rest on Ben’s temples and both young men gasped, tears rolling down on their cheeks. Poe’s fingers instinctively stroke against Ben’s hair and Poe couldn’t hold back a smile. He forgot how soft they felt. 

“Ben!” whispered Poe, his thumb brushing under Ben’s eye and his eyelid shrank. A sign Poe recognized as a bad omen. 

The next second, Ben slammed his head in Poe’s face and the young pilot felt his nose cracking, bleed soon flowing through his nostrils. Poe couldn’t hold back a cry of pain but he got back quickly on his knees when he heard everybody around them putting out their blaster and aiming at Ben. Poe saw someone walking at their side and he recognized Zorii’s boots. When he looked up, his friend was aiming her blaster at Ben and Poe screamed to her to not shoot. Too late. 

“No! Ben!” whispered Poe, crying openly now and he didn’t care what people could think about him. Only Ben mattered. Ben always mattered the most. 

The young man crawled to Ben, lying motionless on the ground. Carefully, Poe put Ben’s head on his lap before checking his pulse. It was the three longest seconds of his life before he realized that Ben was still alive and Zorii just knocked him unconscious. The young pilot wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist and shoulders before hugging him, his nose buried in Ben’s neck. 

“I’m so sorry Ben!” cried Poe, whispering against Ben’s skin. “I’m sorry.” 

  
  


* * *

Poe was cleaning Ben’s face from blood when Zorii joined them, the young woman saying anything but her eyes piercing through Ben’s face, still lying unconscious on Poe’s bed.

“How old is he?” was the first question Zorii asked and it reminded Poe of their first encounter, when the 19-year-old woman decided that the 16-year-old Poe Dameron was just a kid and had no place in their ring. What she must think about a 15-year-old Ben Solo. 

“He's gonna be 16 in two months.” answered Poe.

“Damn!” sighed Zorii. “He is just a kid. What is he doing there?” added the young woman.

“He is there for me.” whispered Poe, his voice shaking with sobs. He was the only one who put Ben in that danger. What a fool he must have been to think that Ben, foolish loyal Ben Solo wouldn’t look after him. Even if it meant travelling to the other end of the galaxy. 

“So that’s him.” smirked Zorii and Poe frowned. “The spark of sadness in your eyes.” she added and Poe blushed, wondering if everybody else spotted it. “I always wondered how we could miss someone so much. He doesn’t look that special.” said the young woman and Poe gritted his teeth, trying to not lash out on his friend.

“He doesn’t have to be special.” groaned Poe, his eyes wandering on Ben’s face, looking so peaceful and Poe couldn’t remember the last time he saw him looking like that. Ben has always been taunted by the Skywalker-Organa legacy. Even the Solo one in a way. Since he was a boy, Ben Solo always had to be more than exceptional. Because that was why people expected from him. And if only they were looking further than their expectations, they would see that Ben didn’t have to be someone else than himself. Because Ben Solo was enough. 

Poe brushed a strand of hair from Ben’s forehead and the young man shrinked his nose in answer. Poe couldn’t help to smile, his index drawing along Ben’s nose shape, like Han Solo used to do when Ben felt complexed by it. It used to make him smile and raise his chin so everybody could see how proud he was to be a Solo.

These two years apart changed Ben a lot. His hair was still a dark mess but Poe wouldn’t have him otherwise. Though Ben was losing his childish features to look more and more like his father. Poe’s finger stroke softly under Ben’s left eye, fearing to awake him, fearing to see that Ben was hating him now. Poe couldn’t stand that. The memories of Ben looking at him like Poe was the most precious thing in the galaxy, the biggest hero even before Shara Bey or Han Solo, helped Poe to stay warm on the nights he felt homesick. 

Poe never thought to come back home until Ben appeared in that hangar. He didn’t feel ready to come back. Not after what happened with his father. And knowing that Ben wasn’t there anymore, was following his own destiny at Luke’s Academy, it helped Poe to stay in the ring. But like always, Ben surprised him. And found him there, giving up his own future for Poe. The young pilot felt nausea rising up in his throat. He didn’t deserve this. Not when he behaved like Ben wasn’t existing anymore. 

How many letters he sent without having back any answer? How many com calls before Ben realized that Poe disappeared without even telling him? Poe tried to not think too hard about what happened then. Did Ben disappear one night like Poe did? Or did he stand his ground against Luke Skywalker and tell him he had to go? And to come there. How many dangers? How many threats? How many criminals did Ben meet to find Poe? The young pilot felt dreadful to realize how he put Ben in danger. How someone could have killed Ben without Poe to protect him. Far away from him. From his family. Alone like he always feared to be. 

“Poe!” called Zorii and Poe looked up at her, the young woman frowning when she spotted tears wetting Poe’s cheeks. “Are you alright?” asked the runner, her hand squeezing Poe’s shoulder and the young man couldn’t hide himself anymore behind the mask of indifference Zorii taught him to adopt. He could trust Zorii to not use it against him.

“No.” sobbed Poe, his both hands wrapping around Ben’s right hand. 

Zorii kept silent, uncomfortable because their friendship never has been about comfort and personal feelings. He never has been able to confess to her, something holding him back. How different it was from his relationship with Ben. Ben knew everything about him. His dreams, hopes, fears. Like Poe knew everything about him. 

The young pilot softly kissed Ben’s hand, realizing now how much he missed it. That feeling to let your heart in the hands of someone else, knowing that they would not hurt you. Poe still had his forehead against Ben’s hand when he felt Ben’s fingers shifting against his palm. Poe felt his heart missing a beat before he looked up, seeing Ben’s eyelids fluttering. After long seconds, those lovely dark eyes finally fully opened and Poe gasped when Ben’s look caught his. The young pilot held back his breath before softly breathing again when he realized that there wasn’t anymore hate in Ben’s eyes. It wasn’t yet the old look Poe remembered but it was a beginning. And the young jedi didn’t yet have taken off his hand from Poe’s grip. Ben was still holding Poe’s heart in his hand, carefully. 

“Ben!” whispered Poe, his thumb brushing hesitantly on Ben’s knuckles. 

But before he could say to Ben all he wanted to say, before he could begin to beg for his best friend’s forgiveness, this one opened his mouth, a voice too cold for such a young man, still a boy to sound could be heard. 

“I want to see your boss.”

Poe felt the hand of Ben tightening around his heart. 

* * *

Archis’ guards didn’t let Poe standing next to Ben and the young pilot had to stay quiet, standing against the furthest wall. Poe knew exactly why Archis did that. He didn’t want to let any chance for Poe to intervene if he decided to kill Ben. Poe would have to do nothing else than to see his best friend getting killed before his eyes. That was how Archis was gaining the loyalty of his crew, with fear. Poe took some time to understand that when he joined the ring. In his mind, all the criminals were charming, a little bit rough but with a heart of gold. Like Han Solo. How wrong he was. 

Poe could do nothing else than to watch Ben standing before Archis’ desk. The boy held his chin high but Poe could recognize the signs of nervousness in his best friend’s body. The way his shoulders were tensed and how his feet were shifting towards each other. Ben used to do that when he asked something to ask Kes Dameron, the Pathfinder always has been intimidating in Ben’s mind. 

Except that the man in front of him wouldn’t talk to Ben with an amused smile and soft voice like Kes Dameron used to be. Archis’ eyes were sparkling with the thrill of the hunt, Ben being his prey and the leader waiting the right moment to make his dagger flying into Ben’s chest. Poe was suddenly hoping for Ben to look into his mind, like they were doing when they were little boys before Luke Skywalker made a lesson of ethics to Ben and forbade him to look again in Poe’s mind, even if the young boy was okay with that. Poe’s mind was screaming for Ben to listen to him, to look into his mind to know what he could expect from Archis. But Ben said nothing to Poe. And Poe couldn’t stand that.

Archis and Ben were silently facing each other, judging their adversary, trying to determine their weakness and Poe recognized the Organa stare on Ben’s face. When they were little boys, both of them used to watch the archives of Bail Organa at the Senate. His judging stare was legendary and Leia Organa inherited it. It looked like Ben did too. At that moment, it gave Ben an aura of majesty and Poe suddenly felt awestruck. It occured only then to Poe that in another life, Ben would have been a prince and Poe could see it now. Instead, the young man was there, in that damp place, meeting with one of the worst people in that galaxy that Poe could think about. 

Archis looked at the young boy with a smirk, clearly not thinking that he could be a threat and Poe felt furious. He always hated how Archis thought that being young made you inoffensive. That was why Ben's hands were only tied with a rope contrary to the metallic handcuffs they usually used. Poe wanted to remind Archis that Ben escaped their grip for months and managed to obtain information that Archis would have preferred to stay secret. But now that he could see Ben’s young face, Archis was more amused than worried. Poe hoped that Archis would estimate that Ben wasn’t a threat at all and let him leave that place alive. 

“What is your name, kid?” asked Archis after a long silence and Poe saw Ben’s face jolting with disgust. Only his father could call him kid without receiving a lash out in return. 

Poe saw Ben taking a deep breath, trying to tone down his usual temper and Poe couldn’t help to smile softly. Maybe these two years at Luke’s Academy helped Ben more than both thought. It was good to see that. Poe never liked when Ben let his anger overwhelm him. Even less the dread he was always seeing on Ben’s face when the young boy realized what he did. 

“Ben S...Erso. Ben Erso.” answered the young man and Poe hid a smile while a  _ Clever boy!  _ sounding like Han Solo’s voice was resonating in his mind.

Archis answered nothing but Poe could see that he was doubting Ben’s words. Though, in no way he could guess that the young boy in front of him was Han Solo’s son. Archis was probably a part of the criminal world which never forgave Han Solo for joining the New Republic after the war. Ben seemed to have well-judged his opponent. Or it was Ben’s natural disposition to never trust someone until they proved otherwise. In both ways, Poe was grateful. 

“How old are you?” asked again Archis, his dagger rolling into his hands and Poe couldn’t look away from that weapon he saw delivering pain more time than he would have wanted to know. 

“Seventeen.” answered Ben without flinching.

“Fifteen.” corrected Poe without thinking about it and everybody turned around to look at him, Ben’s dark glance piercing through his face. But Poe couldn’t regret his intervention. Ben’s youth could be the only thing saving him now. 

“I don’t like being taken for an idiot, boy!” groaned Archis, his dagger pointed towards Ben and the young boy gritted his teeth, probably to hold back a snarky remark and Poe sighed with relief. He knew how Ben could say dumb hurtful things when he was provoked. 

“Almost sixteen.” replied Ben with a fake smile and Poe could hear few of his colleagues chuckling, amused by the boy’s boldness. 

Archis made them shut up with a dark glance. Then, his piercing eyes were back on Ben and he didn’t hide anymore his hostility, not particularly pleased to have been ridiculed by a fifteen years-old boy. 

“Why are you here?” asked Archis, his voice cold and Poe saw Ben straightening his back, the young boy realizing that the real talk was beginning now. 

“I want to be a part of your organization.” answered Ben, his young voice as colder as it could and Poe looked up abruptly, his neck hurting in the process.

Of all the reasons which could have brought Ben here, this one was unbelievable. Poe refused to believe it. 

“No!” replied Poe, walking away from the wall to join Ben and he didn’t care if he was disobeying Archis. It was Ben’s safety, Ben’s future in the balance. 

Once Poe was at Ben’s side, his best friend turned to face Poe and they held back the dark glance of each other. There was no way that Poe would let Ben do that. 

“I will not let you do that.” groaned Poe, his nose brushing Ben’s. 

“I’m not asking for your permission.” groaned back Ben. 

Poe looked into Ben’s dark eyes and weirdly, it helped him to relax. He knew that glance. It was his stubborn glance. When Ben was ready to do something stupid and knowing it but refusing to acknowledge it due to that damn Skywalker-Organa-Solo ego. 

“After all, you didn’t ask for mine.” he added and the hurt he could hear in Ben’s voice like was the young man slapped him.

Poe wanted to reach Ben, to take his face in his hands and ask forgiveness, but Ben looked away and faced back Archis. Poe stayed at his side. Whatever Archis had planned for Ben, he would have to face Poe first. 

Instinctively, the young pilot came closer to Ben so their shoulders would rest against each other and Poe could feel Ben’s body relaxing in his presence. Poe felt his own body reacting at Ben’s presence. In the two years they have been separated, Ben finally grew taller than Poe and like he always supposed, Poe loved the feeling of having Ben towering on him. 

Ben looked at Poe and Poe nodded hesitantly towards him. He knew that Ben remembered their promise to be there for each other, whatever happened. 

“Are you done, boys?” asked Archis, definitely not amused. “So tell me Erso! What should I bother with a kid like you? Your boyfriend is an excellent pilot.” added the leader, his dagger pointing towards Poe and the young man felt Ben tensing at his side. “But you? What makes you special?” smirked Archis and Poe bit down his lips to avoid rambling about why Ben was exceptional. Archis didn’t need to know that. 

Ben said nothing to Archis and the silence kept for a long minute. Poe saw their leader growing impatient. In the following second, the dagger flew from Archis’ hand towards Ben. Ben grabbed the knife and cut his ties quickly before throwing back the dagger towards Archis. One inch away from Archis’ throat, the dagger stopped and stayed flying in the air.

All of this happened too fast and the guards took a few long seconds to grab their blasters and aim Ben’s head. The young man had his hand tend towards the dagger and if anyone doubted it was him controlling the deadly weapon, they didn’t doubt anymore when with a flex of his fingers, the blade scratched Archis’ skin. 

Poe remembered Ben using the Force to make rocks flying or someone tripping on their own feet. Never before this had he seen his best friend using the Force so smoothly and Poe realized for the first time how Ben following the Jedi’s path was just another way to make of him a killer. Something he never wanted to associate Ben with. 

“A Force-sensitive.” whispered with amazement Archis, his eyes sparkling with all the possibilities opening for them. “And a trained one.” he added. 

Ben said nothing, just nodded before wrapping his hand around the dagger’s handle. Then, he flipped the knife and grabbed the blade before giving back the weapon to Archis. The leader looked long at Ben and Poe hated it, feeling like he helped to put Ben in jail. 

“Welcome aboard, kid!” grinned Archis like a wolf, grabbing back his dagger. 

A jail without exit. 

* * *

“You don’t know what you just walked in” groaned Poe once they were alone in the corridor which led them to Ben’s new quarters. 

“Because you, you know?” groaned back Ben and both boys defied each other with a dark glance. 

“Actually yes!” screamed Poe. “I know those people.”

“And that’s the problem Poe!” screamed back Ben, pushing Poe in the wall behind him. 

Poe’s nose brushed against Ben’s when this one pushed his body against Poe. The young pilot gasped, realizing that it was the first time he was feeling Ben’s body not anymore as a kid, but as a man. And it was giving birth to a lot of new but not unexpected feelings. Ben’s fingers clenched into Poe’s shirt and Poe felt only now how Ben’s body was shaking, like he was finally catching with everything that happened. 

Softly, Poe wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist and let the young man cuddling into his embrace, his forehead resting against Poe’s shoulders. Poe felt Ben’s messy hair tickling his cheek and he softly kissed them. The young pilot buried his nose in Ben’s hair, whispering softly words of comfort while Ben tried to calm down the sobs shaking his body. 

“Don’t send me back.” whined Ben and Poe froze, feeling all the sadness and despair Ben felt at that right moment, at the simple thought to be separated from Poe again. And to be honest, Poe didn’t want to feel that again either.

“You should go home, Ben.” whispered weakly Poe, his fingers sliding in Ben’s hair, his hands cradling the back of Ben’s head.

Ben looked up, his eyes red and puffy but Poe never found him more beautiful than now, with his heart displayed on his face for Poe. The young man sighed before resting his forehead against Poe’s, his fingers brushing against Poe’s jaws. 

“You’re my home, Poe.” whispered Ben, his eyes searching Poe’s and the young man felt torn apart between what he wanted and what he should do. Between being selfless or selfish. 

“Ben!” whispered Poe, his thumbs brushing against Ben’s cheekbones. 

“Please!” begged the young man, his eyes shining with tears. 

Poe couldn’t help himself and he softly pressed his lips against Ben’s, the young man gasping as answer. After three seconds of surprise, Ben hesitantly moved back his lips against Poe’s and suddenly, both boys were clenching on each other’s body, their tongues wrapping around each other in a mess but unable to tear themselves apart, feeling the need to feel that person they missed so much again. It was their first kiss and it was imperfect. 

But Poe felt at home for the first time in a year. 

* * *

Ben was already with them for two months when Archis sent him on his real first mission. Ben and Poe’s relationship was still a little bit rocky, both boys having a lot of time to catch up with and a lot of explanations coming from Poe. And Poe wasn’t sure what they were now. Both of them shared kisses but never more than that and they never talked about it. Poe feared that Ben didn’t feel the same affection as Poe. Of course, the young pilot knew that his best friend loved him. He never doubted it. But as a lover? Poe couldn’t bet on it. 

Ben was still just a sixteen years-old boy. Maybe tomorrow he would wake up and decide that he missed his father and that in fact, he made a mistake by joining Poe. And if it happened, Poe wouldn’t hold him back. He prefered to know Ben in safety, far away from him. But Ben never said a thing about missing his old life or his family. Poe knew that he felt it. But he never told Poe. Like he feared that Poe would send him back. But Poe was too weak and he wanted Ben at his side, as long as Ben would want that too. Well, if he managed to stay alive long enough. Because besides the ego, Ben Solo obviously inherited the recklessness of his family and it was driving Poe mad. 

So Poe made a point to protect Ben as much as he could, Zorii helping him with that. And everytime that Ben caught Poe’s overprotectiveness, he made a point to act even more reckless the next time and it often ended with the boys brawling, making the crew laughing more than anything else. Then there was an argument which finished with a hungry kiss and both boys falling asleep in each other’s arms. 

Today was no exception except that Poe could have died if Ben didn’t react quickly and stopped the blaster shot at few inches from Poe’s heart after that one pushed Ben to take the deadly shot at his place. Poe knew he fucked up a lot when Ben didn’t even jump on him as soon as they landed in the hangar but prefered to leave without a glance for him. 

Poe shared a look with Zorii but the young woman refused to talk to him, obviously as pissed off as Ben about Poe’s heroic gesture. Poe sighed before following Ben, worried of what Ben could do from his anger. 

When Poe opened the door of his shared quarters with Ben, the young man was standing at the center of the room, his arms crossed on his chest and his dark eyes obviously waiting for Poe to appear. The young pilot opened his mouth but Ben didn’t let him have the time to talk. He grabbed Poe’s jacket and pushed him into the wall. The young man moaned softly due to the pain between his shoulder blades but Ben captured Poe’s lips between his and shove his tongue into Poe’s mouth. 

The young pilot moaned, that time from pleasure, and pulled on Ben’s hair, his body sticking to Ben’s. Ben grabbed Poe’s thighs and the young pilot let his partner manhandling him until both of them gasped into each other’s mouth when their hardening cocks pushed against each other. Both boys looked into their partner’s eyes, a mix between shock and desire.

“Do that again and I will kill you myself.” groaned Ben before crashing back his mouth on Poe’s lips. Then, he carried Poe away from the wall and Poe realized how Ben was closer to be a man now than the child Poe had known his whole life. Soon, Ben would become stronger than him and Poe couldn’t wait to feel that. 

“I can’t lose you.” breathed Poe once Ben threw him on his bed before the young man climbed on it too, to top Poe and the young pilot lied down, his hands sliding on Ben’s waist.

“Because you think I can?” groaned Ben but Poe could hear his fear beneath the anger. 

Ben softly weighed on Poe’s body and the young pilot couldn’t hold back his moan, his legs instinctively wrapping around Ben’s waist while his best friend was kissing ardently Poe’s throat. Poe moaned deeper when Ben sucked on his collarbone and when Ben took off Poe’s jacket and shirt, Poe gladly helped him, wanting to feel more of these wonderful full lips on his body. 

Ben was kissing Poe’s chest with ardor and Poe wanted to die and live forever at the same time under Ben’s care. The young pilot tried to take off Ben’s shirt but it was difficult since Ben was now kissing Poe’s stomach and the young man spread wider his legs, wanting to feel more of Ben’s body weighing against his now fully hard cock. 

“You’re too precious Ben!” moaned Poe, his fingers pulling on Ben’s hair and the young man looked up at his lover, frowning. 

“Why?” groaned Ben. “Why would I be more precious than you?” added the young man, slowly licking Poe’s chest, his eyes never leaving Poe and the young man almost combusted with need. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen Poe.” whispered with devotion Ben before softly wrapping his lips around Poe’s nipple and the young pilot cried with surprise. 

Ben looked up again, worried to have caused pain to Poe but the young man shook his head, licking his own lips and Ben understood that Poe loved it. So he did it, again and again and it became harder for Poe to form a coherent thought in his mind, even less to talk. But he needed Ben to hear how much he was mattering to Poe. So the young man pulled on Ben’s hair for his partner to look at him. 

When he looked up, Poe gasped at how beautiful Ben looked with his messy hair, red cheeks and dilated pupils. Poe’s hands slid to cradle Ben’s jaws and his thumb brushed against Ben’s lips. 

“Because you’re you.” whispered Poe, his voice shaking with all the love he had for that boy. 

“If that’s because I’m a Skywalker-” began a pissed of Ben but Poe cut him with his thumb against his lips. 

“I never cared for your name Ben.” whispered Poe, his finger drawing along the inferior lip of his soon-to-be lover. “I never will.” 

Ben took long seconds to look at Poe, his eyes shining with tears and Poe wasn’t in a better state. Suddenly, Ben sank on Poe’s lips and the young pilot welcomed his kiss, a soft and slow but deep kiss, so different from all the kisses they shared until then and Poe felt like he was truly kissing Ben for the first time. Like they should have since the beginning. Without anger but with their mutual affection acknowledged. 

When their lips separated, both boys looked at each other, slightly shocked to feel for the first time the depth of their mutual feelings. Poe couldn’t hold back a smile, feeling like he was finally starting his life again after two long years of pause , with Ben at his side, their relationship evolving naturally in that way. Ben answered with his own bright smile and Poe dragged his face to his so he could kiss him. Now that he tasted how happiness felt on Ben’s lips, he couldn’t have enough of it. 

“I love you Ben.” whispered Poe in the mouth of his lover and he heard Ben’s gasp, like hearing these words was a real shock and Poe promised to himself to tell them to Ben everyday of their life together.

“I love you Poe.” answered Ben, shy and Poe sighed with content. 

Both shared a new kiss to seal the promise of their new engagement. When they tore themselves apart from the other one, Ben looked at Poe lying under his eyes, offered to his body and he bit down his lower lip.

“Should we continue?” asked the blushing teen.

“Yes please!” whined Poe and Ben chuckled before Poe pushed his pelvis into Ben and the young man moaned deeply. 

Poe helped Ben to take off his shirt and once he was shirtless, the young man weighed back down on Poe, their chests brushing against each other and Poe clinged on Ben’s back, his nails digging into the pale flesh, while Ben’s hand was fumbling with the buttons of their trousers. Once their trousers were opened, Ben stopped and looked nervously at Poe.

“You’re sure?” asked the young man and Poe wanted to chuckle at how sweet he was.

“To have my first time with you?” asked an amused Poe, but still nervous beneath. He needed to be the confident one there since Ben looked like an emotional bundle of nerves. “Yes.” breathed out Poe.

“I...I’m nervous.” admitted Ben, licking his own lips and Poe took one of Ben’s hands in his to kiss its palm softly. 

“I am too.” replied Poe.”But I wouldn’t want someone else other than you to be my first.” whispered Poe before softly kissing Ben’s jaws. 

Ben nodded nervously before his hand slid between their bodies to wrap around Poe’s cock and the young pilot whined, trying to get used to someone else’s hand around his shaft. Ben began to softly move his hand, his eyes alternating between Poe’s face and the cock in his hand. 

“How are you feeling?” asked Ben, mesmerized by the pleasure he could see flourishing on Poe’s face.

“Good.” breathed out Poe. “Wonderful.” he added with a chuckle. “Let me show you.” said Poe with a soft smile.

He led Ben to lie on the bed at his side. Turned to face each other, Poe threw his leg on Ben’s body so the young man still could caress his cock before Poe wrapped his own hand around Ben’s cock. The young man gasped before moaning when Poe moved his hand. 

“Told you.” chuckled Poe, his nose brushing against Ben’s before he left small kisses on his now-lover’s lips. 

“Stop being so smug about being always right.” groaned Ben and Poe laughed loudly. 

Ben wrapped his other hand around Poe’s neck before he crashed his mouth against Poe’s to shut him up. Poe gladly obliged and they shared deep kisses until they were out of breath, their hands going faster around each other’s cock, orgasms building into their stomachs.

“Poe!” breathed out Ben, his forehead resting against Poe’s. “I’m…”

“I know!” whispered Poe, breathless, wrapping an arm around Ben’s shoulders. “I get you.” he added and Ben came in Poe’s hand, screaming. 

Poe cuddled Ben against his body, Ben’s nose buried in his neck, until his orgasm was done and he felt Ben pressing him between his arms, Poe’s cock trapped between their both bodies. It wasn’t very long before Poe came too and the young pilot whined into his lover’s ear, Ben whispering naturally words of praise against his skin and Poe never felt more loved before. 

When they had both recovered from their orgasm, Ben wiped off his soiled hand before taking care of Poe’s hand with extreme care and Poe couldn’t hold back a smile. It was sweet to see that lanky young man, looking a little bit clumsy from time to time, taking care of him with preciseness. Poe could really become used to it. He hoped to become used to it. 

Once his hand was clean, Poe didn’t wait to slide his fingers in Ben’s sweaty hair and the young man moaned, blushing softly when he spotted Poe’s fond eyes on him. The young man wrapped his arms around Poe’s waist and dragged his lover against him, cuddling deeper against that warm body. 

Both stayed silent for a long moment, looking at each other in their eyes, a little bit shocked and mesmerized at what just happened. At how their lives were different now that they admitted their feelings. Poe’s fingers were playing on Ben’s face when he saw they were tomorrow. The young pilot smiled brightly to his lover, his finger drawing along Ben’s lips. 

“Happy birthday Ben!” whispered Poe before softly kissing his partner. 

Ben answered to his kiss after a second of surprise. When their kiss broke, Ben left out a yawn and blushed when Poe laughed in answer. The young pilot kissed Ben's forehead softly before cuddling him against his body, Ben’s head resting on Poe’s naked chest. 

“Was it my gift?” asked Ben, his voice heavy with exhaustion and Poe chuckled, his fingers stroking Ben’s hair with fondness. 

“I have another one when you wake up.” answered Poe and he felt Ben nuzzling his nose against his chest before he left sleep taking over him. 

Poe listened to Ben’s breath for long minutes, his hand stroking Ben’s hair. Sixteen years old. Ben was becoming a man. And Poe felt grateful to be there to see that. 

* * *

Poe was running into the streets of Corellia, trying to escape his pursuers and to get back to their ship, hoping that Ben would already be there. He lost him when the blaster-fire began and all the crew ran away in the many little alleys of Corellia. In a way he couldn’t totally understand, Ben seemed to know intimately every street and alley of that town and Poe lost him when more pursuers came after them. 

Poe turned to the left before stopping, realizing with dread that there was no exit to the alley he chose and he was now trapped, hearing his enemies appearing at the end of the alley. Poe raised up his hands in surrender and turned to face them. There was no way he would die like a coward. Poe saw them aiming their blasters on him and he took a deep breath, feeling tears burning his eyes. He would have loved to see Ben one last time. He hoped for his lover to be safe and that Zorii would take care of him once Poe wouldn’t be there anymore. 

His four enemies were ready to shoot at him when Poe saw a hooded figure appearing behind them, shooting them before they could react and suddenly, Poe was saved by this stranger and ready to live another day with Ben. The hooded figure walked towards Poe and the young pilot was ready to thank them when the man grabbed Poe’s jacket and shove him into the wall behind his back. 

“What do you want?” struggled out Poe, trying to see if he could grab his balster strapped on his thigh. 

“My son.” grumbled a deep voice than Poe recognized instantly. 

The other man took off his hood and Han Solo’s face appeared, his blue eyes dark and looking angrier than Poe ever saw him to be. The old man shove his face into Poe’s and Poe felt again like a little boy, too intimidated by the legendary pilot Han Solo. Except that this time, he didn’t pissed off the pilot but the father. And if there was one thing more legendary than Han Solo’s flying skills, it was his love for his little bandit. 

“Where is he?” groaned the old pilot.

“I dunno. I lost him when we were fleeing.” answered Poe and he could see the fear in the old man’s eyes. 

“You’re telling me that my son is alone in those damn streets?” asked Han and Poe reminded suddenly that Han Solo grew up here. He knew exactly how dangerous that place could be. “Pray for Chewie to find him.” threatened Han.

“I will.” answered sincerely Poe and Han looked long at him before deciding that he believed him. So he let him go.

“Thanks! For saving me.” added Poe.

“You’re still an idiot Dameron. And my son is an idiot to have fallen in love with you.” groaned Han and Poe blushed, realizing that Han Solo was more observant than he let them know. “But I wasn’t better at your age. I doubt I’m now.” he added and Poe couldn’t help chuckling. 

It was good to see Han, a memory of his old life, of his father. Even if Poe was still angry about his father, about what happened between them, it didn’t mean he wasn’t missing him like hell. As much as Ben was missing Han. Poe suddenly felt bad to be the one sharing a moment with Han when it obviously shouldn’t be him. 

“Get away from him” screamed someone at the end of the alley and Poe looked up to see Ben finally there, his blaster aiming at the figure facing Poe, his back turned from Ben. 

Poe saw Han’s face shaking with emotion, hearing his son’s voice for the first time in probably more than a year. The old pilot took a deep breath before turning around to face his little bandit. 

Poe saw Ben’s face losing literally years when he realized that his father was in front of him and Ben looked again like a little boy, his eyes shining with tears before a grin broke his lips and he ran into his father’s arms. 

Han welcomed his son into his embrace and Poe saw Ben’s hands clinging on his father’s back, his nose buried in Han’s neck. The young man was now taller than his father but he still looked like a little boy in his arms, cuddling deeper against him when Han caressed his hair and kissed his head. 

“What are you doing here?” asked Ben, taking a step back but staying close enough for Han to rest his hands on Ben’s cheeks, relishing to see his son for the first time in a long time. 

Poe could understand that. Ben was changing a lot, from a boy to a man, and Poe could understand how it was difficult for a father to not be there in that important time in their son’s life. 

“Bringing you back home.” answered Han, slightly pissed off. 

“No!” answered Ben instantly and he stepped away from Han’s hands on his face. 

It broke the hearts of the three men. Poe could see how difficult it was for Ben to make that choice but he was doing it, for Poe. And Poe hated himself to put his lover in that position. 

“Ben!” groaned Han. “I will not let you wasting your life in that world.” added the old man and Poe saw Ben frowning before realizing what was bothering his father. 

“Dad! I’m staying with Poe.” stated Ben and Poe felt Han’s surprise to see his usual unconfident son finally fighting for what he wanted. “I know you don’t want that life for me.” whispered the young man and Han sighed, smirking softly because of course his boy was that clever. “But that’s my choice.” he added and Poe knew he made a point. 

If there was one thing Han Solo wanted more than anything else for his son, it was the right to have the choice. Something they never give him. From the moment he was born, it has been decided for Ben that he would become a Jedi. A Force-sensitive like him would be the first student of Luke Skywalker’s new Jedi Order. And like that, Ben never had the choice anymore. Even when he wanted to be a pilot like his father more than anything else. 

Han sighed before taking his son’s face in his hands again and Poe let out a breath, realizing that Han Solo accepted it, accepted them and wouldn’t take Ben away from him. 

“Your mum and your uncle will hate that.” grumbled the old man.

“I know.” smiled sadly Ben and Han drew a finger along Ben’s nose to make him smile again, without sadness. 

Han took one of Ben’s hands in his before putting something into its palm. When Ben looked down, he could see the golden dices he played with when he was a little boy resting in his hand. 

“They kept me alive for years.” smiled softly Han and Ben nodded, his hand closing around the dices like it was the most precious thing in the galaxy. And maybe it was. “You can call me every time you need me. Alright, kid?” whispered Han before softly kissing his son’s forehead.

“Yes, Dad.” whispered back Ben. 

They were forbidden to leave until Chewie showed up and hugged his little nephew in his arms. Poe got the same treatment after having been scolded in Wookie that he didn’t understand a damn word but it was apparently very funny if he trusted Han and Ben’s smirks. Poe and Ben were ready to go back to their ship so Han took Ben one last time in his arms, their embrace lasting for a long minute, both ignoring when they would see each other again. 

While Chewie was hugging Ben one last time, Han turned around to face Poe. He shove a pointed finger in his face so the young pilot would know he wasn’t joking. 

“Take care of him Dameron or I swear, there will be no place in the galaxy to hide yourself from me.” groaned the man and Poe nodded.

“I would give my life for him, Sir.” answered Poe and Han took his face in his hands, like he did to Ben earlier.

“I know kid.” said Han. “He misses you, you know.” added the old man and Poe gasped, feeling tears burning his eyes.

“I know. I do too.” whispered weakly Poe and Han nodded, his thumb brushing against Poe’s cheekbone to wipe off a tear before letting him go. It was a father’s touch. Not his. But close enough to shake up Poe. 

Few minutes later, Poe and Ben were walking back to their ship, Ben having to promise Han to leave that damn planet as soon as possible. Han and Chewie looked at the young men, still boys in their minds, walking away from them, where they couldn’t protect them. But at least they were together. Walking away, hand in hand, the dices resting between their both palms. 

* * *

“I found it.” said an excited Poe when he sat next to Zorii in their headquarters’ mess. 

The young woman looked up from her plate, unfazed by Poe’s excessive joy. 

“You’re still up with that bad idea?” sighed the young woman and Poe frowned. 

“That’s not a bad idea.” answered Poe, offended. 

“Why aren’t you just asking him to marry you?” asked Zorii. “Why do you want to buy a house with that?” added his friend.

“Because Ben hated his home when he was a boy. It was for his mother’s work and he hated it. The only home he had was mine and I want to give him ours before we begin our life together.” explained Poe. 

He knew it was silly, especially for Zorii who was always ready to leave without looking behind her if she had too. But Poe wanted something more stable for Ben and he. A home. Somewhere to be alone and far away from that world. And when Poe would be ready to leave that life, they would already have something to build their life together on. 

“And you think he will love to live here?” added Zorii, obviously doubting that. “Haven’t you seen how more silent and sinister he grew in the last year?” added the young woman. 

Poe saw it. And he was worried but in the last four years, it wasn’t unusual for Ben to grow more secretive and darker. Poe knew that he missed his family a little bit more everyday. Poe did too. But usually, Ben found back his ground, being again the dorky young man that Poe loved with all his heart. Poe was worried because this time, Ben looked like he didn’t even want to feel better. Poe hoped it will change once he will see the house Poe bought for him. And that he will accept marrying him. 

“When are you going to ask him?” sighed Zorii, worried about how it could turn wrong but keeping her promise to not getting attached to someone else, no matter how much she came to care for both boys. 

“Tonight.” answered Poe. “Do you think he will say yes?” added the young man, nervous. 

“That boy loves you more than anything else.” smirked back the young woman. 

It wasn’t a lie. That was the only thing she could tell to Poe without being dishonest. She just hoped that Poe really knew Ben better than her. 

* * *

Later that day, Poe and Ben were a part of Archis’ guards for a mission so secretive that only Archis knew what their cargo was about. Poe didn’t have to guess how dangerous it was when Archis kept Ben at his side, wanting the Force-sensitive boy to be his personal bodyguard in case things would go wrong. 

Poe felt all their crew growing uncomfortable while they were waiting for their customer to appear in the luxurious hangar they gave them an appointment. It looked too much like an organized army and less like the gangs they usually dealt with. Archis was the only one obviously happy to be there, a new market opening for him and Poe, not for the first time, wondered why he linked his destiny, and Ben’s, to this man. Whatever they were doing there, Poe knew that it wasn’t for the common good of the galaxy. 

Suddenly, a ginger tall man appeared, barely older than Poe and at his side, a faceless soldier wearing silver armor. Poe didn’t miss the moment Ben, like him, realized how much it reminded him of the tales about the Empire they grew up with. Whatever was happening, it looked like the threat growing into the Unknown territories wasn’t abstract anymore. But existing, in flesh, in front of the eyes of two Victory children. Poe felt nausea rising up in his throat. 

Poe couldn’t hear what Archis and that ginger man were talking about but trusting Ben’s face growing colder and his eyes becoming darker, it was probably dreadful and Poe prayed for Ben to not do anything stupidly heroic. The young pilot only breathed again when Archis made a sign to unload cargo and soon, they were walking back to their ship, Poe happy to leave that place as soon as possible. He wanted to join Ben but the young man was still stuck to Archis’ side and couldn’t leave him until they would be aboard. 

They were walking into their ship when someone screamt and suddenly, all the crew saw a little girl running towards them, her hair a dark mess and tears wetting her cheeks while an armed guard they didn’t see before was running after her. 

Ben didn’t hesitate and ran towards her, taking her in his arms before running back towards their ship. Once they were aboard, everybody was frozen at Ben’s gesture and Archis, unexpectedly silent. The young girl was hanging to the young man and Ben looked into his leader’s eyes, scared but ready to defy him if he had to. Poe’s hand shook above his blaster, ready to do everything he needed to to protect his lover or the girl. 

Suddenly, Archis tore the girl from Ben’s arms, the young child screaming and trying to reach her sudden protector and Ben fought back against both guards who kept him away from Archis. Poe looked with dread Archis throwing the child out of their ship, right into the other guard’s arms and Poe was certain he would never forget her eyes, screaming her fear and despair. 

Ben was fighting like a madman and there were now four guards trying to restrain him. Ben sent them flying thanks to the Force and was ready to jump on Archis when their leader sent him on the floor with a punch before stabbing Ben’s shoulder with his dagger, the weapon going through his flesh to be planted into the floor, letting Ben unable to move. The young man screamed his anger and pain and Poe aimed his blaster to Archis’ head. All the other guards aimed at Poe but he could barely see them through his tears. 

“We’re leaving now pilot!” ordered Archis and Poe’s whole body was shaking, his hands tightening around the handle of his blaster. “I will not repeat myself.” added Archis, taking off his blaster to aim at Ben’s head and Poe felt his heart stopping. 

Ben, who was looking at Archis with pure hate until now, looked at Poe, his cheeks wet with tears and his eyes screaming to Poe to not do that, to not surrender, to still be the Poe Dameron he felt in love with. 

Poe looked back at Ben, pleading for the young man to forgive him. In no way he would let Ben Solo die. Especially if his safety was in his hands. Poe could live in a world where Ben Solo was hating him. As long as he was alive. Looking away from Ben, not standing anymore to see the hurt and betrayal in those dark eyes, Poe put away his blaster and fled into the cockpit, every moan of pain from Ben stabbing his heart. 

* * *

Thirty minutes later, they were back into their headquarters and the crew left the ship without a glance for Ben still pinned on the floor by Archis’ dagger. Once they were alone, Poe ran to Ben’s side, taking off the weapon from Ben’s flesh and the young man screamed. Ben’s body was still shaking with sobs and Poe was openly weeping next to him. He knew that something just broke between them. 

“Ben!” whispered Poe, taking his lover’s face into his hands, wanting to beg for his forgiveness. 

Ben finally looked at him, his eyes haunted by everything which happened. His dark eyes, so alive and beautiful usually, looked cold and empty and even looking at Poe couldn’t change that. Poe bit down his lip, his thumbs brushing on Ben’s cheekbones. 

“Ben! Talk to me.” whispered Poe before kissing chastly Ben. 

But the young man didn’t answer and Poe cried against his mouth. 

“Please! Ben!” sobbed Poe, his forehead resting against Ben’s but the young man turned his head on the side, refusing to look at Poe. “I’m sorry.” added the young pilot.

“That’s too late.” spat out Ben, finally coming back to life, his voice angrier that Poe never heard before. 

When Poe looked at him, Ben’s dark eyes were piercing through Poe’s face and Poe remembered when Ben appeared in that same hangar, four years ago, furious and desperate to face the man who abandoned him. For Poe, it felt like the four last years didn’t exist anymore. 

Ben pushed Poe before getting on his feet. When Poe looked up, Ben was crying, looking at Poe like his heart had been ripped off his chest. Both men shared a long look before Ben walked away, without another glance for Poe. 

Poe sobbed on that floor for hours. 

* * *

Poe opened the door of their shared quarters as quietly as he could. Ben was nowhere else in their HQ so Poe supposed he was there. When he stepped in, Ben was in his bed, a bed he didn’t use in years, and his back was turned to him. Poe supposed he was sleeping and he wanted nothing else than to slide behind him and take him in his arms. To beg for his forgiveness. 

“Poe!” whispered Ben and Poe looked at him, surprised that the man was talking to him. 

Without another word, Ben lifted the blanket and Poe gasped in surprise before taking off his shoes and sliding under the blanket, right into Ben’s arms. Ben pressed Poe’s back into his chest, his arms closing around Poe and the young man sighed before sobbing. 

“I’m sorry Ben.” sobbed Poe and Ben nuzzled his nose in Poe’s neck before softly kissing his skin.

“I know.” whispered the young man and Poe breathed out with relief. Ben wasn’t thinking he was a monster. 

Both men entwined their fingers resting on Poe’s chest, their breaths synchronizing and Poe fell asleep, hoping to wake up to realize that this day only have been a nightmare and that Ben and he still had a future together. 

* * *

Few hours later, in the middle of the night, Poe woke up when he felt coldness behind him. Scrubbing his eyes, it took long seconds for Poe to look around him, fearing to see that Ben disappeared. The young pilot breathed back when he spotted his lover sitting on Poe’s bed, his back resting against the wall, his eyes stuck on Poe’s face, a weird smile on his lips. 

Without a word, Poe sat on the bed, facing Ben, wondering what would happen next. Ben offered a weak smile to Poe, making a sign for his lover to come sitting at his side. Hesitantly, Poe obeyed to Ben, their thighs resting against each other. Poe softly took Ben’s left hand, his fingers stroking Ben’s annular and the young man frowned slowly when he felt Poe sobbing at his side. 

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.” whispered Poe, looking up at Ben. 

The young man looked at Poe before wiping off tears from Poe’s cheeks. 

“How was it supposed to happen?” asked softly Ben and Poe smiled sadly. 

He took off the necklace around his neck, the only thing he took care to bring with him when he left his home five years ago. He made his mother’s ring sliding off the string before sliding it on Ben’s left ring finger and he heard his lover gasping. 

“I bought you a home.” confessed Poe and he heard Ben sobbing next to him, his fingers shaking above the ring on his left annular. “I know I have a lot of things to ask forgiveness for but…”

“I can’t do that Poe!” breathed out Ben and Poe felt his heart broken into his chest. 

“What?” asked the young pilot, shocked. 

He thought that they would survive this. Both of them. Them against the rest of the galaxy. It always was supposed to be like that. Poe knew he fucked up but Ben was forgiving him, right? He couldn’t have read the signs so wrong. 

“You...you love me, right?” asked Poe, feeling the need to be reassured about that.

“I do Poe.” whispered Ben, his hand with the finger on resting against Poe’s cheek. “I will always love you.”

“So why?” asked Poe, not understanding what was happening in Ben’s mind for the first time since they knew each other. 

Ben didn’t answer but stood up. He walked next to his bed before grabbing a backpack that Poe never saw before. 

“You’re leaving me?” asked Poe, shocked. 

“Not you.” answered nervously Ben. “I’m leaving that place,” he added. 

“What is the difference?” asked Poe, feeling anger and fear and like a hole in his chest, something he didn’t feel since the argument he had with his father five years ago. 

“The difference is I can’t stand anymore what we are doing Poe.” groaned Ben. 

“We’re doing nothing else than what we were already doing in the last years.” answered Poe and he could feel Ben’s annoyance growing between them.

“That’s the problem Poe!” screamed Ben. “We’re doing nothing,” he added. “What happened today Poe, I couldn’t do that again. I can’t see people suffering and do nothing in return.” finished Ben, exhausted. 

“So you’re choosing them? Over me?” asked Poe, tears rolling on his cheeks. 

“The man I love would never have dared to ask that.” whispered Ben, his own eyes full of tears and Poe felt like he had been slapped. 

Both men kept silent after that and Ben took off the ring before giving it back to Poe. The young pilot refused to take it so Ben put it on the bed, next to Poe. 

“You’re the one who wanted to stay with me.” whined Poe, crying now. 

“Because I thought you would finally come to your right mind and come home. With me.” answered Ben, crying openly like Poe now. 

“I thought I was your home.” groaned Poe, feeling anger taking over him, standing up from the bed. 

“And I thought I was yours.” answered quietly Ben, sadness and regrets filling his sweet voice, and Poe felt like Ben put a blaster shot through his chest. 

They looked at each other for a long moment, both realizing that it was maybe the last time they would see each other. But none of them could really say goodbye. None of them was ready. 

Poe couldn’t believe it was ending like that. Few days ago, he was planning the rest of their life together. And now Ben made a decision which would impact both of their lives without talking to him first. And like that, their life became their lives back. They became their own back. And that Ben had no hesitation about this was destroying Poe. So much that he couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. 

Without a look for the man he loved all his life, Poe fled away from that room which witnessed so many displays of love between them. 

He left, before Ben could. 

* * *

Han Solo looked at his son, sitting at the Dejarik board like he did so many times before, when he was a little boy, learning to play with Chewie. But today, there was not the beautiful grin that Han loved so much on his lips. His son, his boy, his little bandit looked like he was lost, shrinking on himself like he was expecting the world to hurt him.

Han didn’t know what happened between his son and Poe Dameron. Ben just called him, his voice full of tears, and asked him to bring him home. Han didn’t ask anything and he just came picking up his son, relieved to finally take him far away from that world he never belonged to. He didn’t ask anything when Ben appeared in the Falcon, his eyes shining with tears and he didn’t ask anything when Ben ran into his arms. He only pressed him against his body, wanting to steal some of Ben’s pain so his little bandit would find some peace again. 

Chewie was piloting now, letting Han and Ben alone, knowing that his nephew only needed his father for the moment. Han saw Ben pulling on his nails, something he used to do when he didn’t know what to do next. It broke Han’s heart to see his boy like that, barely holding out. 

The smuggler walked to Ben, silently sitting at his side, their flanks pressing against each other and Han could feel how Ben was tense. Whatever happened with Dameron, it shook Ben to the deep core. Both men kept silent. Han never has been good with words but he was there. As long as Ben needed him to be. 

It wasn’t very long before Ben’s body began to shake and Han heard his son sobbing, the young man trying to muffle them and it hurt Han even more. Han didn’t want his son to hide his pain, even less with him. He didn’t want Ben to finish like him, unable to express his feelings. Ben always has felt too much. In a way that Han couldn’t totally understand. But he wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. The intensity of Ben’s feelings, of his love was terrifying. But it was also the most beautiful thing Han felt in his whole life. He wouldn’t let anyone take that from him. Even Ben. 

Han slowly took Ben’s hands in his, Ben’s fingers instantly hooking on Han’s, trying to calm down the anxious tremors. Han could feel how close Ben was to collapse. Han would be there to catch him. 

Ben couldn’t restrain his sobs anymore and he broke in tears, his face collapsing on the Dejarik board. Han didn’t hesitate and took his son in his arms, the young boy wrapping his arms around his father’s waist, hanging on him like he was the only thing sustaining him in a storm. Han slid his fingers in his son’s hair, softly kissing his head while pressing him harder into his embrace. Ben didn’t talk, he just cried against his father’s chest and Han felt every single sob like a stab in his chest. And the thought of his promise of hunting down Poe Dameron if he was hurting his son didn’t even cross his mind. Because he wanted nothing else than to be there for his son. Because Ben was the only one mattering. Always has been. Always will be. 

That night, Ben slept in his father’s arms. That the closest feeling of home he could feel without Poe. 

* * *

“Wake up!” screamed someone while kicking Poe, asleep on the floor of what was supposed to be his home with Ben. 

“Go away!” groaned Poe, pulling the blanket on his head but Zorii didn’t let him go back to sleep and she threw something on Poe. 

The young pilot huffed before opening his eyes. He saw Zorii's boots first before looking up, the young woman not hiding her annoyance with Poe. The young pilot looked away, not standing to see disappointment flourishing in Zorii’s bright eyes. When he looked down, he saw a bag with his belongings and he frowned.

“What is that?” groaned Poe, not liking what he was thinking.

“Your stuff. I negotiated a place for you on Chande’s ship. You’re leaving in two hours.” explained the young woman, her arms crossed on her chest, ready to fight with Poe. 

“I’m not leaving.” answered Poe, his dark eyes piercing through Zorii’s face but the woman looked unfazed. 

“It has been five months. It was already too long.” replied Zorii and Poe tried to hide his pain when she reminded him how long it has been since Ben left him. 

“You don’t have the right to tell me what to do.” groaned Poe, standing up to dress up.

“I don’t.” hissed Zorii, grabbing Poe’s arm so the young man would have to look at her. “But I still do. You’re my friend Poe. And you’re not happy without him.” she added, her eyes becoming softer when she saw Poe swallowing a sob.

“He left me.” whispered painfully Poe.

“No! He left this life.” answered Zorii and Poe reminded Ben’s words, the exact same words he told him before leaving. “He knew he wasn’t made for it. As you’re not made for it.” sighed the young woman and Poe wanted to protest but he knew she was right. 

Those last five months proved it. And Poe supposed he would have realized sooner if Ben wouldn’t have been there. Poe couldn’t look away anymore from all the atrocities he was witnessing and he realized that Ben was right. Doing nothing was condoning it. Poe wasn’t that man. He didn’t want to be that man. It wasn’t the man that Ben loved. And it wasn’t the man Shara and Kes Dameron raised. 

“I...What if he doesn’t want me anymore?” asked Poe, nervous and Zorii sighed.

“Are we talking about the boy who traveled the whole galaxy, sold his life to one of the worst criminals and spent four years living a life he hated just for you? Is that the same boy?” smirked Zorii and Poe couldn’t hold back his tears. 

Yes. Ben had sacrificed so much for him. And just for once, he thought about himself before Poe. And Poe blamed him for that. Poe became someone he never wanted to be. Maybe Ben was right to leave him. He wasn't anymore the man he fell in love with. Poe couldn’t even recognize himself. 

“I fucked up everything, right?” chuckled sadly Poe, his cheeks wet with tears. 

“Maybe that’s not too late.” answered Zorii, handing the bag to Poe. 

“I hope you’re right.” sighed Poe, taking the bag. 

“I’m always right, Dameron!” snarked Zorii and Poe smiled honestly for the first time in five months. 

He hoped so. With all his heart. 

* * *

In five years, it didn’t change a lot. That was the first thing Poe thought when he saw his childhood’s home after all this time. It has been two days since he left Kijimi, thanks to Zorii. He wanted to join Ben as soon as his feet left the ground of the planet but he didn’t know where to find him. And Poe also knew that he needed to settle that thing with his father before beginning a new life. With Ben, he hoped. 

So that was why he was there, on Yavin 4, frozen in the garden of that home he spent 16 years living in, that home where the spirit of his mother was so present, where he remembered seeing his parents cooking together, stealing a kiss from each other from time to time. The home where he grew up with Ben. The home where he fell in love with Ben. It was his home. 

Poe was overwhelmed by his regrets, tears rolling on his cheeks when Kes Dameron appeared in front of him, surprised and silent. Poe cried harder when he saw his father’s face for the first time in years. He got older and Poe realized how much time he lost with his father for a silly thing. He would have given everything to have more time with his mother before she died and he wasted his time with his father. And would probably have wasted even more if Ben didn’t have chosen to do something, if Ben didn’t have chosen to push Poe to react. 

“Dad!” breathed out Poe and Kes didn’t wait to take him in his arms.

The young man, 21 years old now, wrapped his arms around his father’s waist and cried against his chest, letting himself to act like the boy he wasn’t anymore for five years. They had a lot of time to catch up, a lot of explanations to do. But Poe was back and for Kes Dameron, it was enough. His boy was back home. 

* * *

Poe stayed for a long week with his father, both men trying to mend their relationship. Things were a little bit awkward but both men took care to not let any resentment or anger speaking for them. They suffered too much being separated for five years, they would not make the same mistakes again. 

Once the explanations were done, Poe told everything to Kes about what happened. He was surprised when Kes was already aware of a lot of things before learning that Ben was sharing letters with their both fathers, keeping Kes informed about his son. Poe realized at that moment how Ben never expected for them to stay for the long run in their ring. That he really hoped for Poe to decide he was done with it.

Learning what Ben did shook Poe and he broke in tears in his father’s arms, pouring out all his regrets, pain and fears to never see Ben again. His beautiful beloved must have been with his father, finally piloting the Falcon at his side, like he always dreamt. Kes waited for Poe to calm down before appeasing Poe’s mind. Kes Dameron knew where Ben Solo was. 

When Ben Solo said he couldn’t watch anymore the atrocities going in the Galaxy without doing something against it, he didn’t lie. Ben Solo didn’t wait for the Senate to act and asked to his mother for permission to establish a resistance organization. Something strong enough to fight against that threat, yet without a name, which was growing into the Unknow territories when the Senate would realise, probably too late, that they were on the edge of a new war. 

For the last five months, Ben Solo with the help of his father and Poe’s father created a new rebellion on the ashes of the old Rebel Alliance, like that threat was founding their power on the Empire ashes. When he heard that, Poe couldn’t help to be impressed. He knew Ben Solo was exceptional. But even he couldn’t have guessed that Ben Solo wouldn’t become a Jedi like his uncle or a pilot like his father, but a leader, like his mother. 

Poe was proud to see that Ben was finally existing by himself. And he was as good at it as Poe always knew he would be. It took a few days to Poe to accept his father’s proposal to bring him back to Ben. 

Poe was now in his father’s ship, his father landing at the New Rebellion base. His father opened the back door and Poe stood frozen, fearing to face Ben again, fearing to see that Ben moved on further than on a professional’s side. His father pressed his shoulder to show his support before leaving the ship, letting Poe alone to face Ben. 

Poe walked out the ship, being instantly surrounded by a small crew but energetic, all of them not caring for Poe but working on the supplies Kes brought to them. The young pilot felt a little bit lost in that place.

“Poe!” breathed someone behind his back and Poe recognized that deep voice. 

The young pilot felt tears burning his eyes. He missed that voice so much in the last five months. The young man took a deep breath before turning around, not sure to be ready to face him. 

Ben was here, standing on the tarmac, the crew walking around them like they weren’t existing. Poe bit down his lips while his eyes wandered on Ben’s face. He looked the same as five months ago and at the same time, it was like another Ben. This Ben was more at peace, looking more at his place than he ever did in the ring and Poe felt awful to not have realized it before. What a shitty partner he has been.

“I’m sorry.” cried Poe, tears rolling on his cheeks. 

He saw Ben’s eyes shining with tears before he walked to Poe, taking him in his arms like they saw each other yesterday and Poe cried harder into Ben’s chest, his fingers hooking on Ben’s shoulders. The young man rocked Poe against him, softly kissing Poe’s curls. 

“I’m sorry.” sobbed Poe. “I...I never should have stolen so many years to you.” added the young pilot and Ben softly pushed on his shoulders to take Poe’s face in his hands.

“You asked me nothing Poe. I chose to do that.” answered the young man.

“You still have no regrets?” chuckled sadly Poe, wiping off his tears as best as he could.

“You’re the love of my life Poe Dameron!” answered simply Ben and Poe felt like his heart was coming back to life after months empty from Ben’s love. 

Poe wrapped his fingers around Ben’s left hand before kissing its palm with gratitude. That was when he felt something cold against his skin. When he looked at Ben’s hand, his heart shook when he spotted his mother’s ring on Ben’s finger. Poe made the jewel rolling around Ben’s annular with both thumbs.

“I thought I lost it that night.” whispered Poe, stunned.

“I took it that night.” whispered Ben and Poe looked up to see Ben blushing.

“Why?” asked the young pilot, letting Ben entwining their fingers together.

“Because it was the promise that maybe...maybe I was more important than anything else in your life.” struggled out Ben, his voice heavy with tears and Poe understood at that right moment how those five months haven’t been easy for Ben either. 

Poe didn’t answer, fearing his voice would break, but he kissed long the cold metal of the ring. 

“You are.” breathed out Poe. “I swear you are.” he added, looking into Ben’s eyes. 

“I know now.” smiled softly Ben. 

Then, he grabbed Poe’s face in his hands to bring his mouth against his, both sighing with relief. Poe opened his lips and Ben’s tongue wrapped around his. It wasn’t one of those messy kisses they shared at the beginning of their relationship. That kiss was deep and soul-shaking, both of them taking the time to rediscover each other, to say all the things they couldn’t yet put in words. 

They were still kissing when something bumped into their legs and when Poe looked down, he saw a little white round droid talking fast to Ben. The young man, his arms still wrapped around Poe looked down at the droid before smiling softly. He let Poe go before kneeling down the droid. 

“BB! There is someone I would like to present to you.” grinned Ben before looking up at Poe. The young pilot knelt next to Ben, smiling at the droid. He reminded one he drew when Ben and he were imagining droids and ships when they were little boys. “BB! That’s Poe. Your master.” added Ben and Poe gasped in surprise before BB rolled into his chest with excitement. 

“You...You built him for me?” asked Poe, stunned and Ben blushed before nodding. 

“It’s supposed to be your wedding’s gift.” answered shyly Ben and Poe looked up at him, his lover being obviously nervous at Poe’s reaction. 

“I need to buy you a gift so.” chuckled Poe, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“You came back. It’s enough.” answered Ben, his voice sweet with sincerity. 

Poe bit down his lips, trying to hold back a smile before he wrapped an arm around Ben’s neck to kiss him, BB still trapped between them. It was obviously not at its convenience and the little droid buzzed with annoyance. Both men laughed against their lover’s mouth. 

“He can be a little bit moody.” shrugged Ben, with affection.

“He reminds me of someone.” answered Poe with a cheeky smile.

“BB!” ordered Ben and Poe frowned before BB gave him a little electric shock.

“Ow!” protested Poe. It was nothing to be painful but it was good to be back at bantering with Ben. It looked like they would have to involve BB in the dynamic for the future. 

Ben laughed before standing up and Poe looked at his new droid.

“You and I, we need to have a talk about loyalty.” whispered Poe and BB looked at him, confused. 

“Come!” said Ben and Poe looked up to see his lover tending his hand towards him. “I’m gonna show you our home.” he added and Poe gasped, seeing the same emotion in Ben’s eyes and his grin enlightening his face, making him more beautiful than Poe could have remembered. 

“Yes.” whispered Poe, his voice trembling with too many feelings. “Yes.” he repeated, taking Ben’s hand. 

He never let it go while Ben led them to their future. 

  
  
  



End file.
